I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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