Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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