I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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