There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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