I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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