I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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