she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Vodka?
Forever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
