I faked an abortion last night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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