peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
