just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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