I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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