I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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