Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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