I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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