According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
