Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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