LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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