Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
