Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
