come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
