Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
