Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
