I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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