Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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