I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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