we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
