Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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