oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
