also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
