and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
