Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
