Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
