I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
