So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
