my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize