he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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