she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
