After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
