Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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