I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize