Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
