on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize