We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
