just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
