Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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