my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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