All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
