____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
