just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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