How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
