i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
