So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
