I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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