May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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