i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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