I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hello my rib-scented angel!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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