Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize