I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
