I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize