I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
