R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
