My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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