Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
MIDGETS
????
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
