UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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