Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had sex on a roof
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I lost the right to judge tonight
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize