I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
