well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
