Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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