guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
