Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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