You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and she was petting her beer can
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
