Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
