so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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