You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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