Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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