my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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