i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
