i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize